


The Inmate

by Atlantech



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Guilt, Remorse, season10, self reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:20:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlantech/pseuds/Atlantech
Summary: Told from Negan's POV when he ends up seeing Maggie and her son after all this time. This is a companion piece to my other short fic "The Widow"
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	The Inmate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sassy_Lil_Scorpio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Lil_Scorpio/gifts), [Rapscallion7780](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rapscallion7780/gifts).



> I went with the title "The Inmate" for this fic because it would be a given that Negan would still feel like a prisoner even though he is free at the moment. He's still very much a prisoner of his past .

The Inmate

After the threat of the Whisperers was finally over, all the survivors were gathered around, rejoicing. These were all the remaining survivors from Hilltop, the Kingdom, Oceanside, and Alexandria; the same communities that Negan used to have under his boot so long ago. Now he was here, surrounded by these people, and supposed to be enjoying his freedom; freedom that had come at a cost, but he was willing to pay. Carol asked him to take out Alpha and he did, maybe not as quickly as she would’ve liked, but the job was done. Carol had told him that once he brought back Alpha’s head, that he would be redeemed, that everyone who used to hate him and wish nothing but death on him, would see him in a different light. Well, some of them did, but not everyone; not Maggie Rhee, or _“The Widow”_ as Negan used to refer to her as after he’d brutally bashed her husband’s brains in right in front of her and the rest of her friends with his baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, “Lucille.”

Back in his days as the Kingpin of the Saviors, his men had surrounded Rick and his people during their desperate attempt to get Maggie to the doctor at Hilltop. Negan didn’t know she was with child, he just assumed she was sick with food poisoning or something else. The idea that she could’ve been pregnant had never crossed his mind then. But after Rick and his merry band of pricks had killed so many of Negan’s people, he wasn’t up for negotiations anymore; one of their people would have to die. It was only supposed to be one, not two.

The second victim could’ve been avoided had Rick and his people just fell in line and accepted their new way of life: working for Negan and the Saviors. That’s all they had to do after he took out one of their people to try and even the score. But then, one of Rick’s men had to strike him; Daryl. Negan had already bashed in the brains of the ginger; the only man from Rick’s group Negan had chosen because of the defiance that man had shown him. He was clearly going to be a problem moving forward therefore he had to go. But it only had to be him. It didn’t have to be the other guy: Glenn, Maggie’s husband. The name Negan never knew until he heard it straight from her. Or maybe he had, but instead just tuned it out. Hearing it never mattered until it came from her anyway.

She had told Negan who that young man was on the day she came to kill him in his cell. By then, he was defeated, weak, and ready to meet his maker. She saw that herself, and decided against killing him because she believed he should suffer behind those bars for what he’d done to her. Negan had been a crying, sniveling wimp compared to the loud-mouthed tyrant he used to be; not even a shell of his former self, but a void of nothingness. He’d even found that out for himself after the first time he escaped his cell. Judith had caught him sneaking over the fence and she let him go, telling him he would be back. She was right. After being back out into the real world for a few days, he realized he was nothing and what he’d done was unforgivable.

Somehow he’d even made it back to that same spot; that same clearing where Rick and his people had been surrounded and were at his mercy. That’s when the sickness came over him and he hurled. Negan couldn’t believe the things he’d done, the brutal manner in which he murdered those two men, especially the one named Glenn. It was even worse when that young man, Brandon had shown up as a cheerleader for Negan, wanting him to go back to his old ways because he thought he was so cool. Negan couldn’t deny he liked the attention, but then that kid murdered the woman and child Negan was just getting to know. That kid brutally murdered them just so he could emulate his idol. The utter disgust Negan felt about himself was back. And that’s what made him realize he was better off locked away in his cell to rot. He needed to do his time to pay for everything he had done. After killing Brandon, that’s when Negan returned back to Alexandria, running into Judith before he even made it to the gate. That little girl was a spitfire, she was not to be messed with, and above all else she had been right. He came back after all.

But not long after, had Negan gotten another taste of the real world after being freed by Carol; the world of the Whisperers. He was supposed to be there with the sole intention of killing Alpha and bringing her head back to Carol. That was it. Yet, somehow the idea of being with a group again, no matter how fucking insane they were, had made Negan feel like he was important again; that he had some kind of purpose. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like it, because he did. That was a fact. But he also couldn’t deny he felt for Alpha’s daughter Lydia. Her mother wasn’t only insane, but abusive to her. And more than anything that’s what really drove Negan into killing her. Carol wanted her head, but Negan wanted Lydia to be free of her abuse.

He hated himself for getting so caught up in his own bullshit that he lost sight of why he was really there, even more so when it came to Lydia. He and that young girl could definitely relate to one another with the way they both felt like outcasts, and were also the first ones other people looked to pin the blame anytime something had gone wrong. She understood him and he understood her. Then of course, there was that time he had saved her and accidentally killed some punk. The kid deserved it but Negan hadn’t meant to kill him, but being he was the one who murdered Glenn and that other man he was going to be seen as a killer no matter what. So did it really matter to them that he took out Alpha?

She was one less threat, but they still had Beta to worry about. Thankfully after everyone else had lured the walker herd away, he and Daryl were able to finish Beta. That was definitely a satisfying experience, even better working with Daryl. Negan liked him, always liked him, but now he felt a different kind of respect for the gruff redneck. He knew his shit for one, and he wasn’t someone you wanted to mess with either. Negan had to wonder if he and Daryl might even become best buddies one day, but he wasn’t counting on it. Daryl also hated him for what he’d done to Glenn and Abraham. Now Negan finally remembered the other man’s name. His last words had been “suck my nuts.” Negan had never forgotten that.

But after all the fucked up things he’s done, he really wondered if he’d even redeemed himself at all. He saved Judith, killed Brandon so that kid was no longer a threat, took out Alpha and later Beta, and of course saved Lydia, from both her mother and that creep who attacked her. He’d done all those things but it still didn’t feel like it was enough. And then he saw her; he saw Maggie, and with a kid too. A kid that looked a lot like—

 _Glenn_ , he thought, feeling cold and numb inside. _She was pregnant_. _I killed her husband, the father of her child. Jesus._

He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling choked up as nothing but pain and sadness engulfed him. Maggie was looking back at him, her eyes cold and uncaring, deepening the pit he could feel inside himself; as though he could fall right into it. Suddenly, he was right back in that clearing, taken back to the exact moment when he had brought that bat down over Glenn’s head. It wasn’t until after the second hit that he’d caved in Glenn’s skull, and even popped his left eye out. Now Negan remembered the final words Glenn had spoken to his anguished wife that night: _“Maggie, I’ll find you.”_

No longer able to contain his sadness anymore, Negan cried. Seeing Maggie with that kid was just too much. He knew then it didn’t matter what he did at all now, there was no way to bring Glenn back. Because of his actions that kid would never know his father. He truly hated himself now. That’s all he could do. And the feeling seemed mutual on Maggie’s part as well. He saw nothing but pure hatred in those eyes as they bored into him. If looks could kill, then her glare would’ve stabbed him directly in the heart in that moment. There was no other way to put it.

 _I’m so sorry_ , he tried to tell her through the gripping sorrow he felt. But in truth, he knew there was nothing he could do or say that would ever take that pain away from her; the horrific memory of seeing her husband brutally murdered right before her very eyes was something she would live with for the rest of her days. Negan couldn’t undo that, but he desperately wished he could. What he saw now just wasn’t right, and he’d been the cause of that _._

 _I’m such an asshole._ Those words in his mind rang true, and now he wondered what was going to happen next. Was he going back in his cell, or was she finally going to kill him? He honestly hoped she would just kill him. He didn’t believe he had the right to exist anymore. Now a part of him deeply wished he had died right along with Beta, just so he wouldn’t have to face Maggie and Glenn’s son. It was nothing but torture and it was utterly unbearable.


End file.
